No orgasm

I had my first orgasm at the age thirty four. I was convinced that there was something wrong with me. I felt frigid, and carried a deep shame that I couldn’t shake. I used to fake them with my boyfriends, and listened almost with horror to my girlfriends who talked about having them, I thought that they could somehow read my thoughts. Even after I got married, I just couldn’t have them. 

My boyfriends and later my husband never knew that I had a problem. The more I tried, the worse it seemed to get. I blamed myself, thinking I was just incapable or worthy of pleasure, that I was different from everyone else.

I tried by myself for years but it just didn’t happen and actually never felt the need for one. Then I found professional help and went deep inside myself. I had some trauma from the past, I don’t want to really talk about it, but I did talk to my husband after a few therapies.  

It wasn’t an overnight fix. We worked on it together, with patience and love, breaking down the walls I had built over the years. I realized that the shame I had carried wasn’t mine to bear. I was worthy of pleasure, just like anyone else. And eventually, my body responded. It was as if a barrier had finally lifted, and I could fully experience what I had thought for years to be impossible.

I now feel more in tune with myself, with my body, and with my partner. I’m no longer afraid or ashamed. Instead, I feel empowered, knowing that intimacy is a journey, and it’s okay to take the time to discover your own pleasure. I don’t know if this story can help anyone, but just thought I should share it.